ddddd
New Member
Posts: 1 
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Post by ddddd on Oct 21, 2017 23:56:38 GMT
hi all,
I have been dealing with CPTSD due to childhood abuse for many years. I am able to hold a FT job but most Saturdays are very hard -- feelings of fear and distrust of everyone take over, even if I start the morning well -- they come up in the afternoon. Sometimes a nap helps -- but today they returned again afterward anyway. There is a well of anger that I don't like facing since all it does is take over. I can distract myself with a book or TV show sometimes, which I did -- now it's getting late and I can write off the day again.
I do have a therapist and am also in 12-step groups, but they are not usually the place to talk about this and get support.
If this brought up memories or gave me some relief I could accept it, but usually it doesn't. Any recommendations on what to do?
ddddd
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Post by experimental on Oct 28, 2017 3:35:52 GMT
hello ddddd. I hope this Saturday is kinder to you.
I trust that the anger is always valid and has good reason to be there. I wonder if you can give it some understanding. Not just to change it but to give a sign that you see it's valid and can work towards having a space to hear it at some point, that you can be there for it. maybe not right away if you don't want to face it, but you can still hold space and partnership in your heart for it. that's what I try to do. Instead of it needing to fight to be heard or mark its space in some way. does that make sense? Sometimes I do gestures to show that i'm on its side and want to be available, even if I can't be or if I don't have the right help to be as strong as it needs me to be. I also have parts so sometimes it's literally talking to these 'people', but much of the time I just try to befriend everything that's there. Even anger and the rejectfulness of some feelings of me. Be there anyway non-imposingly. I write things and speak out loud and set time aside for things regardless of what response I get inside, if any. Sometimes places that need care do sneak it in when we aren't looking.
I hope you find some respite and care. It sounds like you know the drill with coping and with seeing a therapist. But i'm sorry that it's not the place to talk about it. Care and nurture can be so scarce when you don't have somebody to give it to you at all or that you can go to to find your own. Don't lose heart and talk more here so we can find something to ease things and make things better than distracting yourself from pain. Or from anger. Or unheardness. Take care ddddd.
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Post by experimental on Oct 28, 2017 4:00:49 GMT
And by 'parts' I just mean parts of me that seem like (and function as) people inside. cos I have a dissociative disorder. i'm not sure if you've been on this site before it got moved here and I used the lingo for dissociative disorders that refer to 'parts'. sorry if it's the first you heard of the term. but yeah, when I feel depleted or stuck I say: hey (whoever/whatever/thing-I-feel), sorry you're in a bad place. what's up? I got you. sorry I can't hear or understand as much as I would like to. I wish I could give you everything. I know you hold more than I can know. if I watch tv or do something more free than what you bear, come take some. i'd like to send you some. and if not, if that hurts you, i'm sorry, and i'm still here. i'd like to sit beside you if I can. y'know, my weakness is that i'm front-focused and less in touch with the feelings or the bad stuff or whatever it is that you have, and I wish I could take some of the burden off you so that we can share. but for now, I know I have the lighter load, but I suffer too being separate from you. let me be near you. I love you, and i'm sorry. for whatever I can't take and that you can take better, or for whatever I don't know and that you know better, please know that I know you're carrying it for us both (or us all). Let me sit with you. see, let me draw a square that means I know you're there. we don't have to touch. if it hurts you or if i'm not strong enough for it. but i'm with you. for always, for where we came from before and for where we are now. sit with me or on my lap. let me wrap a soft scarf around you to protect us from each other. and I love you. sorry that you have to wait. rest now and have ease.
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Post by tweetyheart on Nov 16, 2017 23:19:33 GMT
hi all, I have been dealing with CPTSD due to childhood abuse for many years. I am able to hold a FT job but most Saturdays are very hard -- feelings of fear and distrust of everyone take over, even if I start the morning well -- they come up in the afternoon. Sometimes a nap helps -- but today they returned again afterward anyway. There is a well of anger that I don't like facing since all it does is take over. I can distract myself with a book or TV show sometimes, which I did -- now it's getting late and I can write off the day again. I do have a therapist and am also in 12-step groups, but they are not usually the place to talk about this and get support. If this brought up memories or gave me some relief I could accept it, but usually it doesn't. Any recommendations on what to do? ddddd I have been doing pretty terribly lately, so I don't really know how to advise you. But I just thought I'd acknowledge you and let you know I understand where you are coming from. That's great that you've got a therapist. I am sure you will be able to find your way through this, but I'm sorry that any of us have to. |
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Post by clowder on Sept 26, 2022 9:22:39 GMT
Hi ddddd. I understand completely your predicament. Like you I work full time and can usually cope.during the week, but struggle big time on weekends and holidays. I have a few good friends but no family. Like you I can sometimes distract myself with books and tv, but there gets to a point where I really get sick of the same thing over and over. The only thing I’ve found that works for me is just hauling my sorry **s out of the house and going - anywhere. But I also know how hard that can be.
I don’t really have any brilliant words of wisdom, but just thought I’d let you know you’re not alone with this struggle.
Clowder
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