cindy
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Posts: 10
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Post by cindy on Oct 4, 2017 16:47:34 GMT
Your grandpa has lived a full life, many trials and many joys. You are one of those joys. All he needs to know now is..."I love you Grandpa" and maybe a kiss on the cheek to carry with him. The nurses can handle him. Many older people get very confused, cranky, ect at this stage in their life and they are used to it. More than you are seeing it. Don't feel bad about it. Maybe just simply thank the nurses for caring for him. You are learning in this process. This is big.... "It's about "being caught for secretly being on the bad peoples side". Sounds like something you and the littles need to journal and talk together about. Wouldn't hurt to call the T, all she can say is no, but maybe she will say yes
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Post by experimental on Oct 9, 2017 12:29:28 GMT
Thanks cindy. I just got home, in Australia, today. Feel really scrambled. I think my body's crashed too. Soo exhausted and fried. And symptom-ful
I'm surprised to see the last post as 5 oct here. I'd spent the last 4 days in the city part of Shanghai "having a holiday". It was fine and fun at times but quite dissociated from the rest.
Stuff w aunt I'll need to sort out later. Huh it reminded us of dealing with MB though. That was the T who was deep and good at what she does but messsd up. Theme was "we can stay safe even when things ARE wrong and abusive to some extent in reality." Lol it must have been bad. With the t I mean. Littles wanted bethany just to copy the time when we had MB but I'd brought stuff for that so it was good.
See I'm not sure the same consistency of good can be said about grandpa. We're confused about that. Like we're not relevant enough or significant enough to be a joy or even memorable. Though the last day he insisted on giving me money and said it's in place of not being able to take me out for a walk around town. But I was way triggered so was pretty unemotional outside. Aunt was around the whole time. I've been procrastinating calling him all day to tell him I'm headed to the airport AND to tell him I arrived safely in Aus. I gotta respect that in the system and figure there's a reason for that. I really don't trust the good feelings to be true/reality enough. Idk how to explain. I'll see how I go tomorrow. I still wanna call him and not disappear and I DO feel more able to talk to him than before the visit. But I got to look out for parts truths too. The childhood stuff goes way deeper than I can see and I doubt I can go there without a T.
Oh yeah I haven't had a T for ages. So no one to call. I briefly had one after a medical issue upset me but it was stupid and going nowhere nor did she have the skills or any care for progress. That's part of why I need to move cities. Man I'm so scrambled right now.
I feel so distant from journaling and ALL of that lately. The processing and the involvedness of therapy. Was glad to see parts reemerge though when I boarded the plane and I wanna hang onto a few things and not disconnect. How much I can do is limited without T though. But I'm ok. I just wish for more.
About the parallel I found tho... sometimes I'm vague about it cos I feel sensitive about it being a trigger for others without being able to understand what the trigger is (denial? Mindfk? Politics? I wouldn't know what to "mt" for, and I often feel illegitimate in this) and also cos I'm trying not to fall too deep into it. So a light reference is like an mt and an acknowledgment to myself in one. There's a parallel in the moral shaming and language wrangling between what my parents did and what my uni's psych dept did. They both even have a pseudo-legitimate logic or ideology to lean on and reference to constantly so you're constantly stuck in a network of words. I'm still being indirect hey. It's like I'm afraid if I say it directly then I'll be wrong and stupid. The communist revolution links captured the intensity and detail is forgotten. (Though I notice some had references to the attackers showing humanity and softness, a thing that was totally unknown to me as a child and I was scared just reading it). I was on the tail end of both - communist propaganda and um "anti-DID propaganda". Anyways the system had a complex way to deal with it which meant it's super embedded and tangled into everything. The psych class thing was a concerted effort across 4 yrs that I couldn't get away from cos it's overlaid into everything. I'm not exaggerating about it being deliberately threaded into everything but I was triggered out of my mind esp when they seemed to keep picking me to be the spokesperson or yknow teachers-fav-student-question-answerer-for-teachable-tidbits. But I don't trust my mental reality on that at all lol. But unknown to me at the time I was so scared I would be caught. System has this quasi-neutral stance maintained across several parts incl some deeper insiders, where the required compliant attitude would infuse through as needed. Like a hateful skeptic attitude. Slightly different nuances carried in diff parts to ensure precision and coordination incl probably vomit-inducing warm ones and I say probably cos the words came to me without me knowing just then but it'd be like the mother and it'd make sense.
ANYWAY I should probably try to sleep. It was sick. I hope they picked me not cos I was a good student (I was, despite hardly showing up for class and being tripped out of my mind all the time) but cos I was noticeably DD or triggery so they can choke on it and die. Words from the ever articulate 'yr6'. But yeah it was way complicated and adhered to pre existing mess and defenses. And I don't wanna under-state how toxic my actual real-life classes were.
Tomorrow is work. Gonna still try to call grandpa or figure out parts positions. Bleagh. Can't handle replying to Facebook stuff but tomorrow I need to act like I'm back in the country.
Thanks for listening to me talk. And process things and ramble.
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Post by experimental on Oct 9, 2017 12:58:24 GMT
Oops I forgot to say the "communist propaganda" side of the parallel was me holding onto believing in freedom of thought and of self. My dad (more than anyone else or "society" or actual gov propaganda, which was around too) twisted it into this extremely sick punitive thing. I also read up on human rights and legal rights when I was 12-13 (and got the internet) and tried to "reason logically" why I should wait for legal adulthood instead of kill myself. I also hid everything hopeful and for the best hiding u need to hide it from your own knowledge.
Oh guess what I forgot winnicott was a real person despite knowing it before. That's Sybil's T in real life Scared the crap out of me to "remember" that she was real Also scared the crap out of me to realise somebody I'd been reading and following was literally the person my psych class demonised (I typed "demonised" after thinking cos I had no words other than a flash of like terror lol). I'd love to say realising it made things better but it didn't and it scared me and remains unresolved in there. I've posted similar before but realising people as a group is different from an actual single individual - the latter is scarier?? Idk. I'm gonna stop typing now instead of give myself nightmares.
The communist thing seems so tame now. I wonder if the intensity just transferred over to the DID thing or if it's still hidden somewhere or maybe I really am much more free of that now.
Oh btw parts did rebel against my persona as the fav psych student back then. And the stuff I said, though I never said anything explicitly against DID or multiplicity or the Ts. Phew because I'd be way more fkd if I did. Parts stopped me and I didn't even know. But I did feel an ambiguous kind of strength. Anyway parts rebelled against how I acted and talked anyway and my front life. But it wasn't against me (ie not self harm and fairly little self criticism) but they did other stuff which I can't talk about. Lol it's not even bad but it's triggery to me is all. But looking back I'm damn impressed how much they did to balance me out and they spared me from a lot of the pressure. Protectors don't just "self harm" yknow, grumblegrumble.
Hm somepart didn't get their bit included here and feel a bit misrepresented and I'm sorry cos I dunno what it is. But I've got to end this post and sleep. Thanks for letting me post and talk. I can and do work through things this way esp now that I don't over-trigger myself anymore.
(..but I do wish I had a T instead of old catch-up content that I know I'll never revisit in the same tone again, never gonna be exactly this place and time in my life again. It seems so alone and stuff holds back from showing itself as a result. Not just cos it's too much. Well maybe the two are the same - "too much" and "want a person to share with". These issues tho, I wonder if I can handle a naive T about it ever. I know the DID thing was a massive underlying issue w old t that he had no chance of finding. Cos he didn't have the prereq knowledge about the topic or about how to fish stuff out of us productively... blah blah bed time)
Thank u for being here though.
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Post by experimental on Oct 9, 2017 13:32:08 GMT
Far out I'm so wide awake now. I've been teasing out this stuff for years, ever since the hitting incident w old t over 4 years ago.
Yknow what's funny is I didn't even realise there were 2 sides until very late, maybe the last yr of psych, of 4 yrs. I know we bashed people but they were so illegitimate and evil that u banished it from your mind and I knew my head was being weird about it "cos I'm fkd up". I dunno if I knew at all actually, even then. I knew to an extent, sort of and in parts, and from elsewhere like online. But not really at the front.
I think that's why realisations hit harder cos they were so dehumanised except for the creepy abuser vibes all around. And then the individual was/is an actual real person. That I know. In the system. Not that real-life outside was really thought of. All the material just left me tho as I'm writing and I'm blank minded and clear headed again. Lol gotta love parts.
Too much different stuff going on too little chances to shift it.
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Post by experimental on Oct 10, 2017 3:29:45 GMT
Typo: I meant Wilbur, not winnicott lol. That was MB's influence. Or yknow, the opposite.
I'm weirded out at work today and I still smell the china air. I miss switches that are fun, heh. Like when you're holidaying in your own life. This kind of murky front sucks. But I think it's good for me.
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Post by experimental on Oct 10, 2017 15:35:30 GMT
I'm remembering more. Jeez it was really bad. ill update about grandpa later heh. Topic seems unrelated. Except for the paralllel in going to china at all.
I remember the self-policing of every thought. The catching of transgressions no matter how remote or peripheral or obscure. And having to undo them somehow. The constant desperation. And the poking around in the dark cos you don't know what you're dealing with because we're being taught about "evidence-based" and "scientific" and aside from a bit of tension about science vs art you can't really see anything wrong with it. And it's the premise of the whole course/field. And the whole fields moulded around that so everything else is shut out anyway. Though nerd little me knew psychoanalysis from childhood Wikipedia reading but I didn't know it either and was alienated from that and from myself cos that was being slammed too in the same bundle. Mind you I never got the sense that anybody was any less stupid cos the other side was being misrepresented. It was so lonely. But all this cynicism saved me probably.
Everytime I shrug it off for being fairly tame if rigid and misguided education my head reminds me how bad and toxic it was. How antagonistic and crazy it was. I fkn DID ask questions and tried to think and quickly figured out what not to say or ask. Like playing a game of hot n cold where I'm put on the spot for teachable moments and they ask leading as f questions and don't have to comply to their own standards and I'm not allowed to think for myself or learn. Except to correct students less privy than I who have naive input to be dissected and tidied up to make sure you're compliant with so called evidence in literally every choice of a word. I was already a good little robot that learns all the nuances. I hope it fkd them up as much as they liked me. I don't really. But parts would prefer I be less humane. [mini-switch: I never gave them the DID example they wanted and made shit up instead that was consistent w what were being taught and often gave the shopping centre example as a direct "f u - I'll use the OTHER one" ..."and I'll do so above 50% chance rate every time u ask me so bite me"... oh man heaps of these keyword hints w old t that he'd have no idea of... ]
I became the go-to person to check assignments before people submit them for compliance w this stuff even after I left psych (to which people asked "ur not continuing??! REALLY??? But ur so good, I thought you'd go all the way to phd. You'd get in so easily" (oh yeh we got shit for never coming to class and getting the marks anyway) ok we came often enough to take this crap obviously. I hated my fellow students and their carrying on over stuff and sending me shit to check and I never knew why (til later). I flaunted my disrespect of class. And my ability to shape other people's assignments without technically engaging in plagiarism/misconduct and guarantee their goddamn marks. I need not cheat I just ask Qs in a tutor-like way and knock you in line with the party line. I lost my steam ranting. But oh bethany is the most disciplined talker (non-transgressor) ever and it reminds me of (clicks my mind into) this stuff and everybody inside is like "!!!! !!!!".
It sucks when it's your uni or your parents but for parts it was their own host heh. Not that they truly considered themselves subordinate to me so kudos to them I guess. It was bad. I can't be doing this with my best abilities built on a mountain of shit or id turn into MB lol. "What Not To Do". And every time parts blocked me I was still oblivious as anything. Oh and often I'd have this sarcastic voice commentating in my head but I never thought voices were noteworthy or a problem. And ignored it easily. Damn I was a terrible "host". We're good now though heh like a noisy mob for years. I know I'm still inadequate though until all of them can have therapy. But we're ok and nobody's left out or struggling on their own. Well that ended on a limp note. Goodnight.
PS fellow students don't have the same issues as me but the entire cohort was disillusioned and stifled and it lost heaps of people and kept some for wrong reasons and bleah
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Post by experimental on Oct 12, 2017 11:08:24 GMT
Bah. I'm so tired today. I did call him yesterday, which was nice. But we couldn't hear each other cos I was trying to call via Skype to his mobile and there was sooo much interference. I have reception issues at my house and have had for ages. But! It prompted me to change to a better phone plan with better coverage so I hope to call him tomorrow.
It was nice to hear his voice while i'm in my full mind here and not in that weird zone over there. I think the best thing to do now would be to call him and build some sort of relationship and just be around in a casual regular kind of way. It'd be worth things and undo the wrong bits without having to be articulate about it. And it'll allow me a second chance now, from who I am today. It might be limited but limited will be enough.
I think to all the times I was willing to open my heart to Ts who weren't special or helpful just under the general sense that I ought to, to help myself. Well I can for this. And whatever is imperfect i'll only need to keep putting myself out there and the basic will win out over time. I'm kinda excited for this! And i'm starting to realise he has no expectations about me or criticisms about how I do things. If things go well i'll send him some photos by snail mail since he likes to look at things. And now that I know his address (!!) I can. I think of the times parts have sent T things or made things with such enthusiasm and it isn't different. Not fundamentally anyway, though the context is different, sure. And i'd be more adult than with T. Life is for doing this stuff!
Guess what, I don't feel issue-ful about the other topic right now or today but I looked up my textbooks and i'll be using one of THEIR textbooks for class. it's like: we meet again my old friend. So I figured I ought to have a look at what they're up to these days. And I did. and man I remember everything. But it looks so different when my mind's not trapped or as precise anymore and i'm not particularly interested in the nitty-gritty details and i'm amazed and how precise and detailed I used to be about it. Too bad I couldn't do much with it back then but I hope I can do it justice now with my shite new brain heh.
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Post by experimental on Oct 14, 2017 1:48:52 GMT
I hadn't realised until like yesterday that every time the news reports something from the royal commission I've been holding my breath wishing them across the line to the finish without this being brought up. And even though the stories that are in the news are tame as bananas i'm relieved when I reach the end of the article and it's not brought up. I'm not really ready for this topic to appear in my "real life" world and i'm definitely not over it enough but I guess there's never gonna be a convenient time and i'm gonna see what I can do now. The time is now. Not that i'm gonna run out there with pitchforks or anything lol. But i'm not gonna stay low n silent until it's comfortable for me cos my issues count too and i'm confident I can do this well (ie not just make us look worse heh). And! I've found an ally irl! But I dunno it's still very acquaintancy atm but I can't wait for things to be easy and well let's see where things take us. Also we pre-agreed w all parts late last year before even enrolling that no switching should ever be necessary because we're better than that now and i'm big enough for all of us.
Also I say that being very conscious that the restitution payment that comes out of the royal commission is coming to be implemented by our department and i'm kind of walking away from that. I really don't want to be the person driving that one. And, I duno, I think there's more to be worked out within on that. But i'm definitely out. Also I've not spoken a pip about anything irl yet so i'm not quite sure how to be out there, where the balance is.
I also remembered something new... throughout the undergrad of 2005-09 I trusted my intellect and instincts. and it was like the 'playing cards' thing with this grandpa. I dunno when I came to value it, before or after this, but it's a theme through those classes too. I doubted my sanity and reality, sure, but none of that interfered with my identity at the time as this intelligent, critical, cool-headed rational and capable person. Which doesn't sound so nice to me now LOL (like it sounds cold and uptight?) but it was my outside persona back then and in an environment where they were all like "rah rah rah, look at us, we're empirical, screw the sloppy ridiculous Ts who believe in this DID stuff" I never wavered in my own mind when I wasn't 100% impressed with them. There were holes. I tried to ask and I had an actual open mind (can't say the same now lol) and there was nothing wrong with my thinking, thankyouverymuch... - was my attitude. And I was so on top of everything so fluent in all the minute details of cognitive/memory theory. And I was ready to branch out more but they stifled me well f that too and I shouldn't let it go to waste. The energy and knowledge behind that.
Anyway we really wanna tell about this time when they tricked us in class to produce so called false memories. So trigger warning here til the end of the post. I just wanted to tell it so pls don't read if this stuff triggers you. Their theory goes that 1/3 of people can be led to have these false memories (about anything, so the examples are tame). so they 'hypnotised' us despite only just ranting that it's about the worst evil ever because yknow, ruined families. but hey try it anyway on a class of 300+, cos yanno, we know we're all normal and robust right? no problems there! so we as a system were like *THISISWAR* cos our mother does mind tricks too. And me at the front is like 'fine ok'. so parts are on watch on different layers underneath, being simultaneously conscious (but conscious on different layers, me the main one writing this post was still 'un-hypnotised' at the top level). At the end they bring us out (but we were still underneath at various levels) and get us to say whether we remember something. so I was paying attention at the front so no I didn't fall for the trick. But others of us got paranoid that that's cheating cos not all of us went under. But anyway some people raised their hand. Here's the thing: it was way less than 1/3. 1/4 if that. but the prof said about a third like they can't even admit that this one was less. like f that. We asked a student next to us and they just shrugged like 'eh maybe ur right' cos everyone just thinks we're too smart and pretentious. I caught them out at other times too. but nooo nobody cares. Like yeah there's an influx of DID dx but is that 'correlation or causation'? (a jingle of ours almost) like why are mind-numbingly obvious research methods concepts a badge of honour anyway? what special level of stupid would it take not to get that? why can't we do actual thoughtful research instead of a chorus of buzzwords? there's a word for that yknow, science police. I actually tried to be a student you pos before I knew wtf was being pulled on us all. yeah i'm not over it lol.
Edit to add: just to be clear, even 1/3 isn't what the literature says anyway. it says 1/3 are supposedly susceptible in the general population, not the population under hypnosis. the figure should have been higher after pulling what they did. and the prof did make a direct reference to literature after that exercise. just like they bring up the DID example after I evade giving it when prompted. see its shit like this. that signposted something was up. not that any figure either way would have made sense since we were basically told that we're about to be manipulated in some way under hypnosis, like hello. except the students who seem lost on the main point completely. bet you some people put their hands up because others did and it seemed like a good idea, i saw them looking around before half raising their hands. "social desirability", "demand effects" - ding! i want my extra credit right there. this shit was so invalid it would fail as a paper. but nevermind, just use us lowly little undergrads. and nobody cared when I pointed it out except like lol yeh ur good hardehar, that's a good one! common sense was so scarce man oh my god. i'm not capturing how bad it was. I did end up feeling a little better about it after reading dan siegel's book and how he was screwed by his uni too, though not in this way. And I was less clear-headed and was pretty messed up by it all on other levels. That's why it comes dribbling out like trauma material little by little.
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Post by experimental on Oct 14, 2017 2:10:26 GMT
and 'smart and pretentious' isn't exactly it - it's the fact that I hardly went to class and my group of friends were studious, perfectionist people who studied hard and went to everything. they quiz each other before exams and stress over everything and I literally don't know anything because I as me hardly know anything at all. The other part who was fronting took the bulk of the psych class material by cramming for it at home. we studied by the book and ignored the propaganda, you can also read and get by with the literature and filter out the leaps of logic gaps in some of the conclusions. So we didn't learn by class notes, since everything was based on this rhetoric I knew it deeper than class lectures + class notes itself was pretty easy to rote-memorise. That part is within me now which is why I can talk about all this but my friends weren't directly exposed to that part and only knew 'me'. And I was so vague-minded and lost so often, yet they hear me answer questions in class and lecturers ingratiate themselves on me and this weird f dynamic. they tease me for pretending to not get things just to have a competitive advantage (higher studies is competitive to get in to) but i think they KNEW i wasn't faking THAT and they're just baffled and frustrated that i could be so mentally vague, in a way that they'd never allow themselves to be, and not pay for it in marks. or status. they're the same ones sending papers to me to check before submitting. after I left and they continued into higher studies. but then I bailed on all of them and blocked them all one day and couldn't even explain it to myself. my head is singing that song that goes 'you got it you got it bad' lol.
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Post by experimental on Oct 14, 2017 15:10:11 GMT
Never mind. Pitchforks are out. Let's hope I make good decisions because the media is feeding off the bs and it's 2 am and I'm GRRRR and I need to put it to good use.
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Post by experimental on Oct 15, 2017 11:39:40 GMT
Hey I never posted that in china I told practically everyone that i'm unfamiliar with stuff cos I grew up in Australia and everyone except 1 had been really nice and interested, and asked me about how often I come back and stuff. which I found triggering and hard to answer but I tried to hold onto what I could see of everyone's welcomingness and friendliness. Oh a taxi driver kinda shamed me on the way to the airport cos I was lost and in a rush but I was like *you know what, I'm not ashamed * ....so that was good. it's hard to hold onto though. too much stuff holding the bad stuff in place. i'm gonna call grandpa tomorrow or the day after. trying not to put too much pressure on myself lol. far as I know he's still getting healthier. my phone is sorted so it's ready to go. I talked about DID and this topic I've been posting about irl and it was meh/fine/a non-event, but I feel so freaking exposed lol. I dunno how to navigate things and I'm a bit paranoid that somebody would know me from here or as a TOPDD patient or something. I'm not paranoid enough to shut up here though looking back, things ive posted here have been pretty revealing. and I've described Ts who can be identified too if somebody happened to know them already. but eh. I should probably have more faith in how I act and sound irl though. I'm just new to not being distanced from the life I show and express. Imagine the lives of people who never have to hide. There's always a decent alternative to anything that can possibly happen and i'll deal with it when it happens. Can you hear me talking to myself here heh I don't always have the best oversight over what I post here though but then i'm like: meh, rather this than not saying things.
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Post by experimental on Oct 20, 2017 8:43:03 GMT
So I've tried to call a number of times but no one picks up I'm pretty depressed about it right now. I hope everything's ok. He keeps the phone out of reach sometimes or it's under the pillow and he can't hear it ring. I am guessing he's still healthy or aunt would have spammed me by now, I think. I work myself up every time and no one picks up. I might have to ask Aunty if it doesn't get through over the weekend I don't wanna talk to her or go through the confusion of being semi-friends with her. I had hoped that being in my room alone would be a good headspace for calling. The trip seems like the distant past already. I really hope I get through over the weekend In other news yeah. Get my crap textbook tomorrow and off we go again. Got my marks and I did drag down my gpa. But it should still be fine for whatever in the future. Discovered I'm quite protective of Cathy kezelman, an advocate who used to be multiple and was in the news for this false claims/memory stuff. Heh guess what, I have trouble thinking of her as an adult and just see like this conglomeration of parts. It's the way her memoirs written I think, so multiple and so insider-world. Feel pretty discouraged about life and agreed to a thing this weekend that will be tiring and probably inauthentic. Yuck. I'm still keen to turn things around though, this weekend. Every day counts.
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Post by experimental on Oct 21, 2017 10:39:54 GMT
Well. I got through. He sounds ok and not obviously ill. Told me he's no longer having treatments though I'm not sure if that's cos he's well or because he's refusing them. Less than 2 min in the phone cut off. I tried to call back but he didn't pick up again. Sigh
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Post by experimental on Oct 21, 2017 22:01:46 GMT
Random work reflection. (and yeah different parts are a bit jammed together in this topic I guess.)
About cathy kezelman... yknow in theory I should be able to reach out, out myself, and talk about the payment that's coming from the royal commission and how to implement it best (within the area of my work, not the whole thing from policy to the receiver, but a big portion of it). It'd be like the ideal world lol, the kind of talk that never happens and that everybody politicises - the gov and community but as people and not from their workplaces **omg**. She's had a lot to do with the royal commission throughout the whole time (4 years now) and IS pretty much the person for it, in many ways. I actually did email her, like about the news about her. Cos I've had contact with her before when we were looking for a T for my friend and I feel close to her in a way. She's lovely as usual. When I had more contact with the multiples community of survivors/advocates I hear her name a lot too and it seems she's one of us on the internet at times. She had work experience and authority (or the experience of having authority, rather) as a doctor before her 'breakdown' and DID-ness and therapy and integration. Could just about poke her in the belly and giggle about her being all in there as one. It wouldn't be so weird, it's not weird to not be grown up yet and be pressing up against the front like little noses on glass going "BLABLABLAHBLAAAA".
But I don't have the energy to actually do that and I feel a tad regretful. Like responsible/obliged in a way. I have a lot more freedom and autonomy than usual and am not as stuck by the organisation/system/bureaucracy as many people would be. It's my thing - I do this. Things fall on me because I can. Imagine telling her all about it, in fact. Lol she'd know all about it. But no i'm walking away. And i'm kinda sad like, I dunno. I've kept low in work profile for a long while now so it's not even fully lived either it's like, some private thing i'm missing out on even exploring right now.
See there's a lot I wish I could process and I wish I could provide the space for parts to process and come into being. Sorry parts.
(She's lovely though and I feel assured it's where her heart and passion will stay and yeah I know i'm engaging in some passing off the thing right now and it's not the same and it's still about me myself inside and something I need to come to terms with myself without pretending it's parallel to another person's whatever, another person's journey or inflating my impact in the world, but i'll need to look at that. She's steady though in her integratedness and 'quiet enthusiasm' she calls it and well i'll need to find mine and be back another way)
(and this topic isn't totally separate from the grandpa topic)
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Post by tweetyheart on Nov 16, 2017 23:22:05 GMT
Glad you got your visa. I'm sorry that your loved one is ill. That a rough spot. I hope things get better.
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