aks
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by aks on Aug 12, 2017 0:43:55 GMT
Hi there,
I am glad to see the forums back. I thought I would introduce myself. I am a middle aged woman from the USA. I deal with dissociation on a daily basis, but have become pretty at ease with it. I also have issues with substance abuse and isolating and chronic independence. Also I tend to be a work-a-holic. :-)
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Post by experimental on Aug 12, 2017 8:59:46 GMT
Hi aks!
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Post by starby on Aug 13, 2017 0:17:03 GMT
Hi Aks it's nice to see you here and Experimental too. Well I haven't posted for a long time even though I did read the old forums now and again. I noticed a lot of members are drifting away now, life moving on and all that, so I thought I'd show my face again. i haven't been in regular therapy for a few years now but I get support from a local mental health charity. I still struggle with loneliness depression and wounded child issues, but I'm doing ok. Getting out more, volunteering and stuff. I'm in a better place overall really. Hope everyone else is doing as ok as possible.
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Post by experimental on Aug 13, 2017 10:25:47 GMT
Starby!!! It's great to see you I'm trying to make some changes in my life and move forward from the aftermath of hurting myself in session 4 years ago and the ongoing concussion/brain issues. I'm so glad to be able to give life another chance. I'm much calmer now about therapy and about healing/life in general. I'm still multiple ( ) but less so and more are front-wards in many ways. I'm grateful to be mostly un-depressed and hopeful. I've started studying psychology again part-time which is blowing my mind in subtle ways because I realise how unwell I was the first time around and I'm so much more sure of myself now. And making it a part of my 'real life' has been surreal and weird. Still working in the same job as I go and things are the same as ever there. On the downside I still feel 'wedged' or jammed as though my feelings are stuck being pained and bitter-angry about everything. I have some sense of finding a way with that though so we'll see. Trying to venture into the world a bit more...
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Post by starby on Aug 15, 2017 11:54:43 GMT
Ah thanks Experimental, you too It sounds like things are moving forward in a more positive way for you? If so I'm really pleased to hear it. In my experience a lot of healing seems to be about accepting what can't be changed, knowing we've got these issues and learning to live with them in such a way that they no longer contol so much of our feelings/behaviour. Psychology is a great subject and hopefully it will channel your energy in a good way. I hope you find a way of coping with those difficult feelings. I still get lonely, bitter, depressed, lethargic some of the time but it fluctuates which is good as it's not all the time. I try to accept the feelings like difficult children. Like you I'm trying to get out in the world more despite various limitations.
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Post by experimental on Aug 19, 2017 8:06:01 GMT
Thank you starby It's been really helpful to try and refocus my life on things that are meaningful to me. It's a privilege to know what that is at all, even some of the time. Doing psych has been a lot of it, because I actually went through all of a psych degree before and it was awful. The university was a DID-denier amongst other problems but even so, I realise now how fragmented my mind was and how susceptible I was to be hurt by them, and how all of my 'achievements' have essentially been ways to out-do or run away from things. (Luckily i had another major as well lol so that i could find a job without pursuing this at the time.) This time I'm actually being myself as much as I can be and bringing my own voice and vulnerability to things which is so weird and new in a good way. I'm discovering a new kind of insecurity that feels nice and humanising rather than the defensive confidence I've had most of my life. I referenced some trauma folks in a paper lol and parts were all like *hiiii!* in my head and on the outside i'm just being 'normal' and i got glowing feedback for it being 'well-researched' and I'm like, yep, that was already in here, it is already me. It feels so wholesome. It wasn't my best work even if I had researched it all but it's good to be me, in this capacity. It's a shame that I'm doing this with a very changed brain since the brain injury, it's less connected to my past and seems such a physical loss at times, but I realise that it is also 'me'. Gave an impromptu spiel about the 'adverse childhood experiences' research to somebody who brought it up like it's just my casual general knowledge and parts cheered even tho we don't even like it lol. Anyway it's gonna be a long ride i'm going all the way to registration and beyond and just dipping my toes in part time while i work myself out and try not to overdo my brain condition. Everything else is gentler in my life when this central thing seems right. We'll see how it pans out. starby do i remember correctly that at some point you also did psych? and hey ho disability buddy also (: i've been all mopey-nostalgic over TWHJ going offline at this turning point ish time for me and found this forum 6 years ago. i got free of my abusers 7 years ago exactly from today.
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Post by starby on Aug 22, 2017 11:36:53 GMT
Hi Exp, I'm sorry to hear that your original psych degree was a bad experience, that doesn't sound nice at all. I'm glad this time around is better and that you feel stronger in yourself. Yes I found that studying psych was kind of healing for me and made me understand a lot of things better. It was so validating to do well in it too! I just had to be careful not to switch off from my emotions in my daily life as I tended to that and the degree helped me channel a lot of stuff, but it could also reinforce that split so I had to be mindful of that.
I know you've struggled a lot with your brain injury - quite understandably. I really hope this is a start of something positive for you, that gives you a way of being who you are.
Yep disability here and still got it but I have improved somewhat with pacing and accepting my limits as well as doing what I can. Not always easy though, very frustrating and it gets me down. I'm very prone to depression and I have had to keep an eye on my diet as that makes my depression worse. It's something I try to live with and not automotically jump to the worst thoughts (you know what I mean) but accept that the depression is part of me but not all of me.
Wow amazing milestone for you that you got free! I hope you were able to acknowledge that for yourself even though TWHJ couldn't be here.
I will keep in touch! Take care
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Post by experimental on Aug 22, 2017 14:32:36 GMT
Thank you! Ahh sorry, the milestone was me doing psychology and trying to revamp my life. It's like I'd accumulated all this knowledge, depth and experience from TWHJ and am only just coming into contact with it now. Some of it is cos of the dissociation holding it outside of my awareness while 'others' knew it better, but still it's felt like a very TWHJ-ly journey for me. And now all that stuff is becoming a part of my 'real life'. At the same time I know it's been a bit of a difficult theme on TWHJ and I dunno, I feel heavy hearted about that and know i'm lucky to experience this and to have a wealth of okayness that has built up to this stage. And others haven't been so lucky and it's complicated.
Yay for doing well in it! For me, it's the first time that I've felt like I've owned an achievement. I've never known 'pride' that way or known self expression through what you do. (Not to put all the weight on it though, i'm learning that people live their experiences/lives through everything they do and that everything is a self expression of sorts and is gratifying in that way)
I'm so glad to hear you've improved somewhat. It's a balance yeah. I hope you keep finding balance and gentle gains. Sometimes it goes this way and that but emerges out to be a little better.
Take care to you too
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cleo
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by cleo on Aug 28, 2018 23:52:49 GMT
Hi starby, aks, and experimental. Glad folks are doing ok! I am too . I stopped coming here for a variety of reasons, mostly the board management or lack thereof. I am on havoca occasionally, or a tv forum called previously tv. Anyway take care
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Post by starby on Oct 27, 2018 17:16:57 GMT
Hi Cleo, I'm also on previously tv under the same name. It's been a while since you posted but if you see this feel free to look me up. It's a shame this forum has grinded to a halt and Experimental if you read this you did the best you could which is wonderful to see. I just felt like Cleo and probably others, it isn't being moderated and there seems no real life left it in. A couple of years ago before the crash I tried to join but it was the best part of a year before my account was accepted My childhood is no longer a significant factor in who I am, I am living more and more in the present and now the past only pops up to remind me what hasn't been fully healed. I do think of the old regulars often including you two, Anon, Copperbeech, Splintered, Drowning, Wonderful Life, Aks and Ones in particular. I really hope all of you are managing to live the life you deserve, that we all deserve. Sending healing vibes and virtual hugs to the wonderful community that we were.
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